Consciously waiting

Spring at Last! It really made me wait for it! Time is a strange thing – sometimes it slips through our fingers faster than we realize, and sometimes it moves slower than a snail. Last week, after facing a difficult situation, I realized that I had fallen into a state of just waiting. Waiting for something that doesn’t really depend on my doings or not doings.

I can’t speed up the arrival of spring. Nor is there any point in rushing my desire to go sailing—it’s much more enjoyable in July anyway. And I can't accelerate the life changes that depend on my son’s input, as he’ll only be making his decisions at the beginning of summer. And that peaceful moment I’ve been hoping for that should be right around the corner after a very busy season…

Waiting can easily become a passive state. We get stuck in one moment, postponing actions and movement toward our dreams, postponing even our own self-care. As if there’s no point in doing anything else until “that thing” has happened. But what I realized in that moment last week is this: such waiting is a form of self-victimization. Without even noticing, I had trapped myself.

But a warrior waits consciously. Without need. With the understanding that every moment holds potential. “A warrior waits—he knows what he is waiting for, and while he waits, he is in need of nothing.” Sometimes our waiting is tied to a decision we have not yet made. We keep ourselves dangling in indecision, postponing clarity, and in doing so, we block life from stepping in to support us.

A warrior doesn’t pause life or step off his path just because something hasn’t happened yet. He takes action, all the while learning patience instead of rushing. “Having acquired patience, the warrior is on his way to activating his will. Now he knows how to wait. Death has become his greatest advisor, sitting beside him and guiding him in its own inexplicable way—showing him how to choose and how to live as strategically as possible. /…/”

Having seen clearly the trap I had set for myself, I had to admit: only I can change my situation and shift my strategy. Yes, I do know which decision within me still remains unfinished. In other words, I’ve kind of decided already, but haven’t yet admitted it to myself—because the decision brings consequences, change, and the unknown. 

But then again, even waiting has its own strategy ;) We don’t have to wait to dream. We don’t have to wait to begin. All we need is to be present—even while we wait. That’s what I had forgotten. With warmth, Anu